I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
