Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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