I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
