so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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