I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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