Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
