you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
