I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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