Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
