Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
