so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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