so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
