Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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