Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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