You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
