Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
