They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
