Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
