I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
