Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
