My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
