I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
