wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
