i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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