Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
