speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
