love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
