can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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