My first STD was from a foam party
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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