Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
