you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
