Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
