Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
