You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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