I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
