she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
