It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
