ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
