Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
