and you said cock pushups were impossible
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
