Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
