I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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