Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
