im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
