Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
