They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
