Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
