where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
