I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
