HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
