all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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