I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
