she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
