I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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