Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
